Why do our expectations for our children so often fall short of what they deserve?
Childhood Expectations have become increasingly difficult to navigate, especially in a time where the pressures on kids seem overwhelming. In 2019, middle schoolers are already fixated on college admissions, and GPAs are more important than ever before. We often hold our children to the highest standards when it comes to academics and extracurricular involvement. However, there are areas where, as parents, we might be missing critical opportunities to support our children’s growth and development.
We live in a time where mounting expectations have the potential to break children. With the fast pace of life, and the need for academic survival, so many of our kids are developing an ego-centric, me-before-you attitude for their own self preservation. They learn to think of themselves, their homework, the amount of goals they score in their soccer game, and they often think of themselves at the expense of others.
What are some Childhood Expectations
Ultimately, this ego centric lens can lead to a sense of isolation and disconnect. Peer relationships become competitive rather than collaborative and when one’s life falls short of the expectation, depressive feelings and seeds of resentment grow with abundance. Children take to social media in an attempt to create connectivity, but that too can be an isolating competition of the best photo shopped life.
This can create a dangerous dynamic where there is nothing is to live for outside of yourself and you simply don’t feel like enough. More and more pre-teens and teens are prone to despair and hopelessness. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) “suicide is the second leading cause of death for ages 12-18. Each day in our nation, there are an average of over 5,400 attempts [of suicide] by young people grades 7-12.”
It’s a multifaceted societal and parental conundrum. One that I believe can be bettered through the development of authentic connections and a focus on mutual support. What if we as a whole focused on supporting one another and building a collective? The current mindset often encourages individuals to focus on personal achievement, sometimes at the expense of community and understanding. As parents, we tend to overlook the importance of instilling virtues in our children that impact their relationships and their connection with others—virtues like character, integrity, empathy, and altruism. Empathy is the keyword here.
If more and more parenting focused on developing empathy, we might see a decrease in many of the troubling issues we currently face, including poor mental health, social isolation, and toxic competition. By encouraging children to see the world through an empathetic lens, we could reduce bullying, social exclusion, peer rejection, and emotional disconnect. Fostering a sense of empathy from early childhood could help children build stronger, healthier relationships, both with their peers and within their families. It can also set the foundation for their future emotional intelligence, allowing them to navigate the complexities of the world with more kindness and understanding.
If we shift our mindset from “I” to “we,” we could build a stronger sense of community, where challenges are faced together rather than being isolated in shame or fear of judgment. This idea of empathic collectivism may seem foreign in a highly individualistic society, but it’s an important concept worth exploring. Teaching our children the power of empathy may be the key to creating more compassionate, connected communities for future generations, where mutual care becomes a fundamental part of our societal framework.
Reach out to speak with a professional if you have any questions.
Written by Dr. Surina Mazzola
August 2019